Twits With Sticks

Not too long ago, I braved the paper-punches of Scrapbookers and came out without a scrape. But apparently I am none-the-wiser, 'cos now I am going after my own kind:


It's that time of year again when I start thinking of all the winter knitwear I can accomplish if I get going on it right now. I imagine the intricate stitches of a scarf that hangs to my knees and strangles me when I sit down on it to the horror - and delight - of total strangers (and my daughter).

This past winter I saw quite a few women who risked heatstroke to wear beautiful knitted scarves in the Southern California sun. I was so tempted to ask them if they were handmade; however, two reasons kept me from approaching them:

1.) I was concerned speaking would cause them to use up too much oxygen.

2.). I was afraid their answer would be yes.

I am so sick of the attitude of twits with sticks.

Knitters have what I call a class distinction - sort of like the Tall, Grande, and Venti of the knitting world. I've been learning to knit for almost seven years now. I believe that puts me somewhere between Menace to Society and Intermediate Beginner.

I started knitting 'cos I was looking for a hobby that was the equivalent of Taco Bell food: buy a lot with very little money and feel satisfied. I was a child of the Seventies, when you could decorate an entire home with Red Heart Yarn for under twenty dollars. So when I started reading about thirty dollar sock yarn, I reconsidered bird watching.

When I bought the book Stitch N' Bitch, the popularity of knitting was just getting into full-swing! The purling field was leveled, for the most part. But over a short time, an aristocratic alpaca allegiance started to take shape, poking out acrylic knitters with their bamboo needles. And since every time I heard Rowan, all I thought of were the Riders of Rohan, I knew I was on the WS.

There is one Knitter's Forum in particular, which will go, um, nameless, that has the most knit-picky attitude you'll ever encounter! I just popped over there to confirm if that was still true, and the most recent post was oozing with rudeness! Fifteen knitters will get on your ass if you admit to holding your (god-forbid if they are aluminum) needles in their self-proclaimed incorrect way!

In recent years, I began to be more and more put off by knitters, and started hanging with the hookers more. I made an educated decision while I was attending college last year that crocheters are cooler than knitters:

On the first day enrolled in the fashion program, I whipped out my crocheting to attract other hookers - kind of like when Edward Norton whipped off his shirt on the prison playground to show his tattoos in American History X - wait, it was nothing like that! A few days later, another fashion student came in crocheting her first project - a baby blanket - and asking me for help. Soon other students were listening and watching, wanting to learn.

Then one day I walked into class while another class was still lingering. That's when I saw a woman around my age (although I looked way younger) knitting with skeins and skeins of hand-dyed yarn spread out on a work table. I was so excited that I forgot I wasn't talking to knitters!

Me: "Cool! Did you dye these yourself?"

Knitter: (laughing haughtily) "No pheasant! They were dyed and hand-spun by someone so endeared amongst Internet knitters that I shall not bring myself to say her name in front of those who are so far beneath She Who Is Too Endeared To Name."

Me: "Oh, so you are on Revelry?"

Knitter: "It's Raaaaaa-veeeeel-ry. Now get away from me chain-store yarn shopper, I smell 80% acrylic on your fingers!"

Well fuck-a-doodle-doo.

I know that not all knitters are this tightly stitched. My observations on fellow knitters are solely based loosely on a completely unscientific survey conducted off and on for over seven years. Even with that said, I'm sure I've given 'em plenty to stitch n' bitch about. But I know they won't come after me, for I will hold up my aluminum needles in the sign of the cross to ward 'em off.

More Than Meets The Eye

I don't go to the movie theater too often; in fact, I can go an entire year or two without ever going to see a movie on the big screen. Why spend the money, when four months after the release, I can buy the DVD for nearly the same price as admission - and watch it endlessly?

I am, however, really big on seeing anticipated blockbusters on opening night! And by opening night, I mean midnight!

Big Newport Edwards Theater is basically a mile up the street from me, located on Newport Center Drive - across the street from world-famous Fashion Island, the beautiful outdoor shopping center with ocean views and breezes and a Betsey Johnson boutique - how much better can it get?

Midnight showings here are always a lot of fun because of the die-hard franchise fans (i.e., Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings). And there is always a hugely diverse audience lined up hours before: celebrities, high-profiled peeps, senior citizens, families with small kids, college students - and there is always a damn beach ball being bounced around once inside while waiting for the projector to start up.

There are two midnight showings we're attending in as many months:
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen and Harry Potter & the Half-Blood Prince!

On Sunday, Marissa and I went over to Big Edwards to get our advanced tickets for Transformers II and saw that we had a choice:

We could buy a ticket or snow.

Considering we are in Newport Beach, I could not help but wonder what kind of snow.

With A Little Help From My Friends

Originally Posted on November 4th, 2007

I still wasn't feeling well earlier today. What a bummer 'cause I was planning on straightening up my studio. It wasn't that much of a mess; however, I wanted to get a handle on it before it became crazy. Some organizing was needed too, in preparation for an addition of a dedicated sewing table.

Sensing that I was in need of help, several Disney critters came out to assist me:

Meeko volunteered to tidy up one of the bookcases. But he fell-in-love-at-first-sight after coming across the Little Creatures Count Cross Stitch that Mom bought for me when we went to Joann's last week. I really wanted to give cross stitch another try (the last time was before the invention of the Internets); however, for those of you familiar with my run-ins with Raccoons, I have yet to ask Meeko to give it back.

Realizing I have to do whatever is necessary to reconcile with the Raccoon race, I ignored Meeko - and instead, turned my attention over to the visual journal paper Mom also bought me. I looked everywhere for the sheets of pretty paper, until I saw that Flower had spread 'em all out over in the corner! He had also picked all the faux flowers off my other bookcase and decorated his own little flower patch. He looked so cute and innocent, and since he let me take his photograph considering how he is sooooo shy, I let him stay put.

I still had the camera in my hands when I almost tripped over Bullseye, who was gazing lovingly at a Blue Cow softie. He had clamored over a stack of several craft books Marissa and I picked up on Saturday at the Buck-A-Bag sale at the library. I didn't want to interrupt his daydreaming, so I simply stepped aside.

I found Abu grinning from ear-to-ear atop my art table. The paisley stencils Mom also bought for me reminded him of his Persian adventures with Aladdin, Jasmine and Iago. When I saw the condition of the table, and I was going to yell at Abu; then it dawned on me I had done it. Abu got in touch with his inner artiste and asked if he could monkey around with my acrylics for a while. How could I say No to that smile?

I figured I wasn't going to get much done in way of cleaning, so I decided I'd sit back and knit. That's when I discovered Princess Atta snuggled inside my yarn basket with the Interweave Knits Holiday Gifts issue that My-Ever-Generous-Mom picked up for me on Friday. The Princess looked very intent on reading a pattern, with my knitting needles at-the-ready! Since it had been the Very Cool stuff in IK that I wanted to knit, I finally threw up my arms and sat down defeated.

I'll start fresh on Monday.

Kitty Letter

I woke up last Monday morning to a text message from my mother:

"email."

Thinking the e-mail was in regard to work, I silenced my cell phone and went back to sleep. I woke up again a short while later, concerned that maybe the email was important. So I made some coffee, checked Twitter, then signed into my e-mail account.

The only e-mail I saw from Mom was one with the subject line: "Kittens!"

OMFG. Did my mother wake me up to watch a viral video of kittens playing a keyboard?

I could feel my blood pressure rising as I opened up the letter. But instead of seeing a video of kittens performing karaoke, I saw a forwarded plea to adopt two adorable (litter-box trained) felines! My mom's boss's new wife's sister had rescued the kittens pretty much at birth, and now two and half month's later, had to find 'em a new home.

So why in the hell was mom being cruel by sending me the e-mail? We had just discussed the possibilities of having pets again and thought we came to the conclusion that the rental contract sort of determined we, um, could not.

Half-jokingly, I wrote back: Both.

Ten e-mails back & forth later, I gave a definitive answer: Both.

I could tell by the photos attached to the original e-mail that the kitten siblings were bonded, and I knew the decision would have to be both or neither.

As soon as I said the word, the adoption was put into action! The kittens had been living with veterinarians, so their vaccinations were taken care of that day! On Tuesday, Deanne (mom's boss's new wife's sister) drove 'em from the Chino Hills area to Orange County (Welcome to the O.C., Bitch would've been real funny if we were getting a dog!), where we picked 'em up (along with a week's supply of food, litter box, toys, and cat carrier, to name a few) at Mom's work!

I'll leave it to Mom to blog about her workplace, but I'll say this: we were all (as in eight is enough, including the V.P.) on the floor playing with the kittens, while the president of the company held a meeting with three out-of-state businessmen in the adjacent office.

Soon they were home...and right at home.

We had bounced around name ideas on Monday, my favorites being: Benji & Lassie. The popular choice on Twitter was Linda & Karen.

Marissa and I finally agreed on Bella Karma & Kali Karma. BellaKarma has been my business name for over eleven years and KaliKarma was my original American Online screen name!

But there is another reason too...

Marissa picked the name Kali 'cos this kitty has eight toes on both her front paws! It looks as though she has four front paws, much like the Hindu Goddess, Kali, with four arms!

More photos can be found frequently on my Bella & Kali Flickr Set. The pictures on this post are courtesy of Marissa, whose Flickr photostream can be found here.

Gettin' a Lickin'

I'm convinced we adopted a cat and a meerkat.
Bella will not give up on bathing Kali.
Video by Marissa. Soundtrack by dishwasher.

Cats Got My Tongue!

...and my heart!


Last week we adopted a kitty and what I'm starting to believe is a meerkat. More on these two sisters soon!

Stirred

...not shaken.

Tell me by a show of hands who knew about the Newport-Inglewood fault-line?

Really? 'Cos I didn't have a clue until last week when it released some pent-up energy!

Since the Northridge quake, the ground has not shook to a point where I get shaken. But I am quite crapping in my pants curious about this destructive and deadly fault-line that runs from my 'hood to Inglewood!

Mom has pointed out that the Vicodin is missing from my Earthquake Preparedness Kit. That is because I never not have 'em on my person.

Although not shaken, I have been stirred!

Click to enlarge

Adam Lambert from American Idol has renewed my belief in authentic musical artists! His superior vocal range surpasses the carbon copy masses who inundate the airwaves! Thank Krishna he lost A.I. and can now have more power over his own recording material! I cannot wait to see all the endeavors this true entertainer enlightens us with!

Adam's Indian-infused rendition of Ring of Fire has become an instant favorite to create to...eat to...watch my toenails grow to...

In fact, I was listening to it while preparing the photograph of my "Stirring Episodes From The Picture" - one of the first collage pieces I created about six years ago. I wanted to create a cover that was reminiscent of the programs that were once given out at movie theaters - but of course, in my signature style.

The canvas is an old book cover, which I heavily distressed to give an appearance that the edges had been burnt. I really wanted it to give an impression that it survived a fire. This was achieved by a sanding, tearing, and painting. There are about eight individual pieces of ephemera. Every collage I create has a storyline in my head, like a scene from a movie. There is a spiritual aspect to this particular cover, one that honors a Hindu belief.

With that said, I also mix in my own unique beliefs, much like I do when I create with Catholic images. I am not religious, nor have any "religious training;" therefore, most of what I know about religions is from art and what ideas are conjured up in my mind based on the images I take in. Because of this, my own art has helped create a spiritual belief system that is tailored-made for me. It's like couture!

Plus, I don't mind shaking things up a bit when it comes to conveying a message in my art.